- Age
play : A type of role play to gratify a fetish surrounding age;
typically daddy/child or mommy/child fantasies [see also: Infantilism].
- Algolagnia
: The act of transforming pain into sexual pleasure. A synonym for
sadomasochism (SM). [see Sadism, sadist; Sadomasochism; Masochism,
masochist].
- Alternative lifestyle : Having a sexuality that differs
significantly from the "norm" (see Alternative sexuality) may make an
alternative lifestyle necessary or desirable. A sexual orientation less
common than the norm may stigmatize the individual pushing the person to
seek a more accepting subculture. An example is homosexuality and the
formation of the gay community.
- Alternative sexuality : A sexual orientation that differs
from a preference for vaginal intercourse (with minor variations)
within a monogamous heterosexual relationship.
- Anal
play : Any sexual or fetish practice concerning the anus and/or
rectum, chiefly includes: anal sex, rimming, enema play, and anal
fisting.
- Anal
training : Preparation of the anus for anal play.
- Anilingus
: Anal-oral sex. Dental dam or plastic wrap is helpful for preventing
exchange of harmful organisms.
- Animal
play : Role playing wherein one or both partners assumes the role
of an animal, chiefly: puppy, dog, and pony.
- Asphyxiation play : Restricting air (and/or blood) flow by
choking to enhance the sensation of orgasm. Very dangerous play, we
donâeTMt recommend it.
- BDSM :
Once upon a time this was all called Sadomasochism (SM, S/M or S&M)
and we were all deemed very bad, sick, perverted people. We were just
people though, as horny as everyone is, with a little kink to make us
special. But some of us didnâeTMt want to be called sick, bad perverts and
these people invented names like Dominance and Submission (D&S, DS
or D/s). Love Bondage (Love Bondage) and Bondage and Discipline
(B&D) to make themselves and the pleasure police think that what
they did was different from what those sad, twisted, nasty old
sadomasochists did, no no! Then we all got online with our personal
computers (well, a lot of us did) and began doing what people do best
when theyâeTMre not having sex: argue. For months arguments about labels
for our kinks clogged up the computer networks. Finally, the term BDSM
was born. This made many kinky people happy because it incorporated
Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS) and
Sadomasochism (SM).
- Black
lightning : A common nickname for a black fiber glass or resin rod
that is used as a cane. Denser than rattan, it can inflict deeper damage
and the feel is described as "cutting." [see Cane]
- Black
snake : A type of single-lash whip that is flexible all the way to
the knob.
- Bloodsport
: SM practices that result in drawing blood. Can include whipping or
caning that breaks the skin, branding, cutting, and piercing.
- Body fluid monogamy, body fluid bonding
: A practice of sharing body fluids only between two partners in order
to observe safer-sex recommendations. Commonly, the partners have been
tested negative for HIV, sometimes also for hepatitis B and C. The
partners may or may not play with others outside their relationship, but
only by observing strict safer-sex rules. [see Safer Sex]
- Body modification : The general term for practices
that reshape or ornament the body for ritual, erotic, decorative, or
fetish purposes. The practices commonly include tattooing, piercing,
branding, cutting, and corsetry.
- Bondage
: Any practice involving restraints placed on the body to restrict
freedom of movement.
- Bondage and discipline, B~D : A classic term
referring to several sexual practices including: bondage, slave
training, corporal punishment, and dominant/submissive role play.
- Bondage
belt : A belt, usually leather with metal rings attached, to assist
in performing bondage.
- Bondage
frame : Any stationary device used to assist in performing bondage.
- Bondage
harness : A configuration of straps, usually leather or nylon
designed to: 1) ornament the body, and 2) aid in bondage and suspension
bondage.
- Bottom
: An SM practitioner who submits to bondage, training, role play,
corporal punishment, etc., but who is not necessarily emotionally
committed to his/her dominant partner (top).
- Bottom-space or sub-space : A type of erotically altered
consciousness (EAC) identified with feelings of falling into a state of
submission. Generally, bottom- or sub-space may be characterized by,
diminished ego awareness, less active cognitive behavior, surrendering
of will, and/or inability to verbalize. Frequently these functions are
assumed by the dominant partner who becomes the submissive's center of
focus.
- Bottoming from the top : Originally a derogatory term for a
top who allows his bottom to run the scene, "bottoming from the top"
has become a valid style of play. Most tops experience some scenes where
they prefer to take at least some direction from their bottoms. Some
even prefer this style of play and may call themselves submissive
sadists. [see also, Topping from the bottom]
- Boundaries
: Usually refers to limits (which see) negotiated prior to SM play.
- Brain
fade : A state of confusion and/or inability to reason experienced
by the submissive. This effect usually results from psychological
domination, the mind-fuck, or a deepening submissive state. [see
Bottom-space, Sub-space]
- Branding
: Burning the skin, usually with heated metal, to produce
scarification. Branding can be a part of a scene, ritual, or body
modification. The design often consists of several unconnected lines and
curves, each requiring a separate strike with heated metal, bent to
form its part of the design. The reason for the unconnected lines is to
assure that elements of the design do not scar into a shapeless mass;
human skin heals differently than the hides of livestock.
- Brat : A
bottom who enjoys struggling against control or challenging the top.
Brattiness has a wide spectrum from the playful "uppity bottom" to the
smart-ass masochist (which see). Some brats are "testing" their
dominant, others have a desire to be "conquered and tamed," while some
simply do not wish to be controlled. [see Smart-ass masochist]
- Breast
bondage : Tying the female breasts with cord, string, rope, rubber
bands, scarves, etc. as a part of SM or erotic play. May include nipple
bondage or clamping.
- Breath
control : Control of breathing by the dominant through use of a gas
mask or similar apparatus, by choking, or by covering the mouth and
nose.
- Buggywhip
: A single thong whip with a rigid core and a flexible cracker at the
end.
- Cage, bondage cage : Yup, a cage is a cage. These are big
enough to hold the whole submissive.
- Cane :
Traditional canes are flexible rattan or bamboo optionally having a
leather wrapped handle. Modern canes may be plastic or fiber glass.
- Caning
: The art of using a cane on a bottom.
- Cat or cat o' nine tails : The term originally
referred to a whip used by British navy. Now, cat usually to refers to
all multi-thonged whips.
- Catharsis
: Purgation of emotions and or stress through an SM scene may or may
not be intentional.
- Checking-in
: Asking the submissive how they are doing, feeling, etc. during a
scene. Specific questions get more useful answers. An affirmative
response to "Are you ok?" may merely indicate that death is not
impending, but there still may be problems, particularly with a macho
sub. "Would you enjoy heavier (or lighter) sensations?" is a better
question. In SM play "is this good for you?" is asked during a scene
rather than the typical "was it good for you?"afterwards. Checking-in
should not replace a dominant's own observation and focus, it is another
part of the safety net.
- Cinching
: Wearing of a cincher, a garment similar to, but less encompassing
than a corset. 2) A bondage technique, for example, to tighten coils of
rope holding the wrists together by wrapping the coils between the
wrists by one or more "cinch loops" of rope.
- Clamp,
clamping : Nipple clamps, clothespins, and binder clips are used to
pinch or squeeze a small bit of flesh. The target areas for clamping
are nipples, cocks, vulvas, and other erotically sensitive areas such as
the sides of the torso and inner thighs. Weights can be added to
increase the rigor.
- Clean :
A code word used to describe a condition of being disease free. [see
Code word]
- Clip :
[see Clamp, Clamping]
- Cock and ball torture or CBT : Tortures are
inflicted on these body parts using clothespins, clamps, cock cages,
weight, and various kinds of bindings.
- Code
word(s) : Word(s) used in personal ads to disguise sexual
proclivities that may be unacceptable to mainstream society, eg: English
culture, French culture, Greek, clean, discipline, strict, leather,
etc.
- Collar,
collared : 1) A symbol of surrender worn by a submissive. A collar
is given in a relationship as a profound symbol of a commitment and
bond. A "collared" submissive is considered to be owned (which see) or
partnered with a dominant player. 2) A piece of bondage equipment worn
around the throat.
- Conditional compliance : The SM one-nighter, a limited
exchange of power negotiated by a dom and sub for a single scene or
brief period of play, such as overnight, one day, or one weekend. [see
Power exchange levels]
- Conditioning
: The term used in psychology for the deliberate process of creating a
psychological link between a desired response and an unrelated stimulus.
Much of what people in the SM community refer to as training or slave
training uses classic conditioning techniques.
- Condom
: A latex sheath used on a penis or toy as a barrier to prevent the
transmission of disease or pregnancy. Natural lambskin condoms are also
available, but don't function effectively to prevent the spread of viral
illness. [see Safer Sex]
- Consensual
: Behavior or activities agreed to by all parties involved. True
consent is informed consent and requires a reasonably accurate knowledge
of possible risks.
- Contrapolar stimulation "Hurts
so good!" : A type of physical stimulation that Incorporates feeling
of both pleasure and pain.
- Corporal
: Activities that involve the striking of one individual by another are
called corporal from the term corporal punishment. Typically corporal
activities include spanking, flogging, paddling, and caning.
- Counting
: The ritualized counting of strokes received. The sub may be required
to thank the dominant with each count. Example: "One, thank you Sir.
Two, thank you Sir, etc." A typically diabolic practice is to start the
count over again each time a mistake is made. Some masochists never seem
to get the count correct, even with their shoes off.
- Covenant of dominance and submission : A
deeply committed symbiotic relationship between a dominant and a
submissive. [see Levels of power exchange]
- Crossdressing
: Dressing in clothes of the opposite gender.
- Crucifixion
: Bondage incorporating a stationary cross. The submissiveâeTMs arms and
legs are tied, not nailed. Care must be taken to ensure that the torso
is properly supported, otherwise, strangulation may occur.
- Cuff,
cuffing : 1) Placing handcuffs, manacles, or similar restraints on
the wrists and/or ankles. 2) Also refers to the restraints in the noun
form. For example: "That is a nice cuff youâeTMre wearing," or "This
cuffing is very comfy."
- Cutting
: I) slicing the skin as a part of body modification, ritual, or scene.
Most frequently, designs are transferred to the skin as they would be
for the creation of a tattoo. Then either scalpels, razor blades, art
knives, or other cutting tool incise the skin at a depth of 1/16" to
3/16. Cuttings can include color by means of tattoo inks or cigar (not
cigarette) ash rubbed into the fresh wounds. Care should always be taken
to insure sterile conditions. 2) The breaking of skin by use of a
corporal instrument. Single lash whips, canes, crops and others can cut
if used improperly. 3) The deep stingy feel of some toys.
- Dental
dam : A latex barrier used for cunnilingus or anillngus to prevent
disease transmission. Plastic food wrap is an inexpensive, but
satisfactory, substitute.
- Derivative pleasure, immediate/delayed :
Corporal strokes that are painful at impact, but pleasurable following
initial execution. An immediately derived pleasure stroke feels good
right after the impact. Delayed derivative pleasure is an accumulation
of painful strokes that explodes into sexual heat some time later.
- Discipline
: The "D" in B&D that can mean; 1) punishment 2) structured
training of a submissive.
- Do-me
queen/king : A bottom that takes passive delight from the physical
activities of scening without a desire to give submission or pleasure in
return.
- Dominance, dominance &
submission, D/S, D&S : The consensual empowerment of one partner
by the other for erotic enhancement. Dominance and submission are the
psychological and emotional underpinnings of SM. [see Power exchange]
- Dominant, Dom, Domme, Domina, Dominatrix :
The person who is given control in a consensual exchange of power.
Domme, Domina, and Dominatrix refers to women. Dominant, or Dom can
refer to either gender.
- Edge
play : Erotic role play near or at the edge of a submissiveâeTMs or
dominantâeTMs limits. The term also refers to activities that carry a
higher than usual element of risk.
- Electro-torture
: The use of electrical stimulation to create a desired physical
sensation.
- Emotional buttons, emotional triggers :
Associations with words, behaviors, or activities that provoke a strong
emotional reaction. Dominants will do well to become familiar with the
unique triggers of his submissive. It is important to know, as much as
possible. which buttons evoke positive and negative responses.
- Endorphins, endorphin high : Endorphins are
substances created by the body to help endure pain or stress. Entirely
natural, but theoretically similar in feel to opiates. The bodyâeTMs
release of endorphins may create a feeling of well-being, even
intoxication, which is called an endorphin high. People differ
dramatically in their ability to release endorphins. The possibility of
addiction to endorphins has been conjectured.
- Enema :
The instrument used for, or the act of injecting fluid into the anus to
flush the lower intestines. Some people include enemas in SM scenes for
humiliation, for preparation for other activities (such as fisting or
anal sex), and/or simply because they may enjoy the sensation.
- English
: A code word for spanking or corporal punishment sometimes used in
ads. We will have achieved social acceptance when ads in mainstream
papers can say, "Romantic sadist seeks masochist lover," instead of
nonsense like, "devotee of English culture seeks receptive partner."
- Erotic
pain : Stimuli that are painful under normal circumstances, but are
pleasurable or arousing in a sexual context.
- Erotic
power : Erotic power is like potential energy, becoming significant
only when it is exchanged or used to empower a dominant by the transfer
of control. [see Power exchange]
- Erotic
restraint : Restricting movement for erotic play. Also, refers to
the devices used for said purpose.
- Erotic
surrender : The sexually motivated gift of control of oneâeTMs self
(within negotiated limits) to oneâeTMs partner. A more accurately
descriptive phrase for submission.
- Erotically altered consciousness, EAC :
Any one of several altered states of consciousness achieved by erotic
stimulation. [see: Bottom-space, Sub-space; Endorphin high, Flying,
Top-space]
- Fetish
: A sexual fixation on an activity or object.
- Fetish
community : The name given to that group of people having an
alternate sexual or gender orientation, but excluding the (vanilla) gay
and lesbian communities.
- Fire
& ice : The use of hot and cold for sexual stimulation,
especially hot wax dripped from a candle and ice applied to the skin.
- Fisting
: Insertion of the entire hand into the vagina (vaginal listing) or the
anus [anal fisting).
- Flagellation
: The act of whipping a human being.
- Flogger, flogging : An unbraided multi-thonged whip is a
flogger. To whip using a flogger or other corporal instruments.
- Flying
: A transcendent state of consciousness sometimes achieved during an SM
scene. This rapturous state has been so often described in a similar
manner by independent sources that we have no doubt of the validity of
the experience. Feelings described by the submissive seem similar to
that of out of body experiences and often include a psychic link to the
dom. Most commonly, this link is felt as either a tether to the dominant
or as a feeling of being surrounded and protected by the domâeTMs presence
or consciousness. Elation and spaciness experienced after flying may be
felt for hours, even days after the session has ended.
- Foot fetish, foot worship : A sexual obsession directed
toward the feet and/or shoes.
- Forced oral, forced sex : Sexual role play where the dom
pretends to force an activity that the sub pretends they are under
duress to perform. It involves a shared suspension of reality. (A dom
only "forces" the sub to perform activities he or she has requested.)
- French
: A common code word for kissing involving the tongue, cunnilingus, and
fellatio.
- Gag,
gaggage : devices that are inserted in or cover the mouth to muffle
sound.
- Gear :
Toys, props, clothes and what-have-you used for scene purposes.
- Gender
community : People with cross-gender fantasies or cross-gender
identification. Cross-dressers, transvestites, and transsexuals make up
the gender community.
- Gender orientation : Gender orientation is an issue
apart from sexual orientation. It is self-identification and feelings of
maleness or femaleness, rather than issues of sexual attraction. A
person with an alternate gender orientation may or may not have an
alternate sexual orientation. For example; a transvestite or a
transsexual may be either heterosexual or gay.
- Gender
play : To dress up or take the role of the opposite sex during a
scene. [see Sissification]
- German
: A code word for Sadomasochistic desires.
- Golden
shower : Urination on or in another person.
- Greek :
The code word for anal sexual activities.
- Handcuffs
: These metal shackles are used to bind wrists by law enforcement
personal, legally, and by sadomasochists, covertly. Handcuffs are
considered weapons and illegal to own in most states, but are easy to
buy and commonly used.
- Head
games : 1) Domination where the focus is primarily mental, such as
humiliation, rather than physical, such as bondage or whipping. 2)
Non-consensual psychological manipulation to make a person respond in a
particular way for one's own purposes.
- Heavy :
1) Intense SM play or whipping. 2) A term describing an SM toy such as a
flogger or cane that is capable of delivering intense sensations.
- Hood : A
covering for the head. Hoods used in SM are made of various materials,
especially; leather, spandex, and rubber. Some hoods are constructed as
ornamentation, others are used as a part of bondage to control or
restrict sight, sound, speech (by incorporating a gag), and/or
breathing.
- Humiliation
: Playful embarrassment or humbling a person by teasing them about
their sexual desires can be part of erotic control. Humiliation in SM
can paradoxically build a personâeTMs self-esteem rather than tearing it
down by reinforcing their sexuality. Real attacks on a personâeTMs
self-worth or sexuality, or manipulations designed to break their spirit
are abuse not within the appropriate practice of SM.
- In-role
: Assuming the persona of a sexual archetype or fantasy character.
- Infantilism
: Role play involving infant-like behavior such as diaper wearing,
nursing, etc.
- Isolation
: 1) A fear of interrelating with others. People are often; a) afraid
to "come out" about their attraction to SM out of fear of societal
repercussions, or b) they may think that no one shares their attraction
to a particular SM (or other sexual) practice. In both cases, this can
lead to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, depression, and/or
loneliness. 2] A technique of sensory deprivation, bondage, and trickery
to make a submissive feel as though he or she is being left alone.
- Japanese
bondage : [see Oriental bondage, rope dress]
- Katherine
wheel : A piece of dungeon equipment that looks like a large,
vertically mounted wheel to which a submissive is bound, allowing her to
be turned or spun. Warning: not for use with the sub that is inclined
toward motion sickness.
- Knife
play : Play that includes the use of a knife (does not necessarily
imply cutting). Knives are more often used as props for psychological
effect, to scrap wax from a body after a fire and ice scene, to remove
clothing, and endless other devious purposes.
- Latex :
Latex and rubber are used to make clothing, sheets and other fetish
items.
- Leather
butt : 1) A term that describes a person who has been beaten so
often that only intense whipping has any effect. 2) The condition of the
buttocks after heavy paddling. The skin compresses and becomes stiff or
"leathery" to the touch. The compression effect is most pronounced with
paddles, so leather butt can be avoided by using a mixture of
implements.
- Lifestyler
: A person who lives a lifestyle that supports rather than conflicts
with his SM fantasy archetype. Some lifestylers object to the
characterization of their SM identities as fantasy role play, feeling
that it is integral to their personalities rather than a sexual game. It
is easy, and often attractive, to confuse reality and fantasy. [see
Alternate sexuality; Alternate lifestyle; In-role]
- Limit :
The boundaries of SM activities set by both dominant and submissive
during negotiation defining what each is willing and unwilling to do
within a scene. Limits must be respected and never intentionally
breached by either partner. Limits apply to roles, levels of dominance
and submission, and duration of time, as well as physical activities
such as whipping, paddling, etc.
- Live-in
slave : A lifestyle submissive in a committed relationship who
lives within the context of a slave/master (or mistress) fantasy.
- Macho
sub : A submissive with a reluctance to show distress, use a safe
word, or who feels a need to stoically endure what is not pleasurable.
The macho sub may be motivated by a desire to prove her mettle, show
devotion, or reflect her internal fantasy. The macho sub must make sure
the dom is aware of her inclinations during negotiation. The dom of a
macho submissive should rely more on a checking-in technique and less on
spontaneous feedback. The macho subâeTMs saving grace is a strong desire
to obey. Ordering her to communicate clearly about stress, as it occurs
can override some of her reluctance to "be a wimp."
- Masochism, masochist : The erotic enjoyment of pain,
humiliation, and/or of being dominated. One who enjoys pain, etc.
Sometimes the terms are used to describe one who enjoys heavier pain.
- Master
: A male that takes the dominant role in SM role play. The title may be
bestowed upon the male dominant in appreciation of his skill. It may be
a term of endearment or a loving tribute to a dom by a submissive in a
relationship. Equally often, the term is self-aggrandizement by a male
with dominant fantasies, not infrequently with "true" or "real" tacked
in front.
- Mental
bondage : Ropeless bondage by command. A submissive instructed by
her dominant to remain in position will feel bound to obey.
- Mistress
: A female dominant. [see Dominant, Dom, Domme, Domina, Dominatrix]
- Mummification
: A bondage technique of completely or almost completely wrapping a
submissive in restrictive material, such as; plastic wrap, spandex,
elastic or gauze bandages, etc.
- Negotiation
: The process of determining the practices and boundaries of sexual and
SM activities between a top and a bottom. It may apply to the whole
relationship or just a specific scene. Negotiating is an ongoing process
that is repeated as the playersâeTM needs change.
- Nipple clamps, nipple clips : [see Clamp, Clamping]
- Nipple play/torture : Stimulation of the nipples for
corporal or erotic purposes. Often includes; sucking, pinching,
clamping, fire and ice, or piercing.
- Nonconsensual
: SM play that is not sanctioned by either player.
- Nostril
strap : A device, usually of bent wire, with a string attached for
hooking into the nostrils for humiliation and torment. Commonly used in
Japanese SM.
- Novice
: A person with an interest in SM, but lacking in experience.
- Oriental bondage, rope dress : Any of a number of
styles of rope bondage stemming from styles used in the Far East.
Typically, the bondages are highly decorative, uniform, and symmetrical.
- Over the knee, OTK : A classic spanking position. Also a code
word for same.
- Ownership, absolute ownership : 1) Within
master/slave role play ownership means having control of the submissive.
2) Loosely used in the SM community to mean an ongoing
dominant/submissive relationship. 3) Absolute ownership is a
lost-in-fantasy relationship based on sadomasomythology and fictional
lore.
- Paddle,
paddling : A rigid flat-surfaced implement usually of leather or
wood used for spanking a fanny. Paddling is the act of using a paddle. A
paddle is also the implement that a wise-ass masochist often finds
herself up the creek without.
- Pain
slut : A masochist who derives pleasure from physical pain.
- Pansexual
: Nongender specific sexual orientation. A group that encompasses all
sexual and gender orientations is said to be pansexual.
- Piercing
: Piercing the skin with a needle in an SM scene, as ritual, or as body
modification. Most frequently, piercings are accompanied by the
installation of jewelry. An exception to this is play piercing. In play
piercing, the needle is inserted into, or through, the skin as a part of
a scene, but the wound(s) are often allowed to heal without jewelry
being introduced. In play piercings, many parts of the skin may be
pierced at the same time. Sometimes, the needles are left in the skin
throughout the scene, tied together by string, thread, or rope, then
removed at the close of the scene. Piercings that are intended to be
permanent usually are placed in sites common among people of the Near
East for ornamental and erotic value. These sites are, typically:
nostril and septum of the nose, ears (in the lobes, tragus, and helix),
lips, nipples, along the shaft and head of the penis, the scrotum, inner
and outer labia, and the hood of the clitoris.
- Pillory
: Handed down from the reign of the Puritans, a pillory is usually
wooden-framed, free-standing stocks that imprisons the head and wrists
for immobilizing a person. For use with the humiliation of your choice.
- Pizzle
: The dried and stretched penis of a bull, or other large animal,
formed into a whip. These are actually deadly toys.
- Plastic
wrap : Regular, old plastic food wrap can be used for encasing the
body for bondage. Unlike food, it will not keep your submissive fresh.
[see Mummification]
- Play :
Participating in an SM scene or SM scene activity.
- Play
punishment : The use of punishment as an excuse for an erotic
encounter. She burnt the toast that morning, forgot to say, "Sir," or
some other trivial misdeed and, alas, must be corrected. Somehow, both
end up getting what they crave. As a game, this beats the heck out of
strip monopoly. Punishment is an erotic game that should never be used
to address serious problems.
- Playroom, Pray space : Any area you designate in which to
perform an SM scene. Hotel rooms, secluded woods, and delivery vans
qualify as well as a permanently furnished basement or dungeon. Also
referred to as dungeon space.
- Pony
training : The fanciful transformation of a girl (Or boy) into
"pony" to be ridden, to pull a carriage, or to perform as a well-trained
horse in obedience and deportment.
- Ponygirl, Ponyboy : A classic SM fantasy immortalized in
the drawings of John Willie and used in the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by
Ann Rice. Typical pony garb includes a horsehair tail attached to a
buttplug, a bit gag and/or bridle headharness, and reins. Often very
high heels, a corset, and feather plumes in the hair are added. The arms
are typically bound behind the back. Pony activities range from being
displayed and directed by rein to being ridden or pulling a cart.
- Position training : The training of a submissive to assume
a given position upon command or under certain circumstances.
- Post-scene plunge : Feelings of let-down, depression, fear,
disgust, remorse, etc, after participating in SM play. Can be
experienced by either dominant or submissive. Jay Wiseman, author of SM
101, uses the term "Top Drop" to describe these feelings on the part of
the dominant.
- Power
exchange : The empowerment of the dominant by the submissiveâeTMs
surrender to his/her control. Power exchange is consensual and should be
well negotiated. The depth of the power yielded by the submissive is
equal to level of responsibility assumed by the dominant.
- Power exchange levels : A system for linking emotional
involvement and depth of feeling with degree of power exchange. The Five
Levels are: one - Conditional compliance, two - Restricted ongoing
acquiescence, three - Provisional submission, four - Covenant of
dominance and submission, and five âe" Absolute ownership. The first four
levels are based in reality.
- Provisional submission : An ongoing relationship
negotiated between a dom and a sub characterized by power exchange and
emotional involvement, but lacking serious commitment. [see Power
exchange levels]
- Psychosexual
: Emotionality, attitudes, orientations, or mind sets associated with
erotic behavior or sexual fantasy life.
- Punitive
pain : Pain that by intention is designed to hurt for nonerotic
purposes, usually for punishment. This is abusive and often motivated by
a misunderstanding of appropriate control mechanisms.
- Pushing
limits : 1) A careful process of gradual expansion of limits. 2)
Intense play that comes close to the unbearable. [see Edge play]
- PVC, poly-vinyl-chloride : 1) A type of plastic
used for fetish clothing. 2) The PVC pipes made for plumbing that can
be constructed into bondage devices.
- Quirt :
A corporal toy that looks something like a crop with a flexible,
whip-like cracker at the end.
- Restricted Ongoing Acquiescence : An
agreement, negotiated by a dom and sub, to play casually for an extended
period of time without serious emotional involvement. [see Power
exchange levels]
- Rimming
: Common term for anilingus (anal-oral sex).
- Role
play : 1) Elaboration of oneâeTMs sexual inclinations by creating a
fantasy framework for them. 2) People with compatible sexual fantasies
taking on complimentary persona to interact with each other.
- Rope
dress : [see Oriental bondage, rope dress]
- Rubber
: [see Latex]
- S.A.M :
[see Smart Ass Masochist]
- Sadism,
Sadist : Deriving sexual pleasure from the giving of pain,
humiliation, and/or domination. The honorable sadist only gives pain or
humiliation to those desiring it, respects limits, is caring and
careful.
- Sadomasochism, SM : Advanced sexual practices incorporating the
consensual use of pain, humiliation, and power exchange for erotic
enjoyment. SM includes dominance and submission, bondage and discipline,
love bondage, and erotic spanking. The term is frequently misused to
indicate heavier or more extreme practices.
- Sadomasomythology : The misconceptions of
society in regard to what sadomasochism actually entails. Also, an
ill-informed idea about a particular practice within SM.
- Safe sex, Safer sex : Practicing sex wherein no body fluids are
exchanged; includes the use of condoms on insertion toys as well as
penises, dental dams, or plastic wrap for cunnilingus, cleanliness with
regard to corporal toys, abstention from penetration, etc.
- Safe word, Safe signal : A word, a phrase, or an action
(like dropping a bail by a gagged submissive) used by the submissive as a
signal to stop the scene or reduce the intensity.
- Safe, sane, and consensual : Characterizes the
acceptable play within the SM community; players adhere to safety
precautions within their activities, do not participate in practices
that will injure their partners (mentally or physically), and obtain
consent by negotiating scenes and scene related activities before
carrying them out.
- Scat :
Feces, also, play with feces.
- Scene :
1) The SM or fetish community; or things associated with it. 2) An
occurrence or session of SM play.
- Scene
friendly : Familiarity with, and acceptance of the SM scene and SM
players, usually refers to a professionalâeTMs attitude (-therapist,
-lawyer, etc.)
- Scene
gear : The SM (and often vanilla) toys we play with. [see Gear]
- Sensory deprivation : Restricting or diluting a
submissiveâeTMs ability to use one or more of his/her senses of touch,
hearing, sight, taste, or smell as a part of an SM scene.
- Sensory relocation : Transferring the feeling of a
stimuli to a different body location than it is received.
- Sensual
play : SM play that focuses on stimulating the senses without the
use of pain.
- SerpentâeTMs
Tongue : A type of slapper made of a thick strap of leather, two or
three inches wide, with a deep "V" cut into most of the length of the
piece. Commonly, the handle will have a double thickness with a ring
stitched at the end. This is a very nasty toy.
- Service
: Acts, chores, or labor, sexual or otherwise, performed by a sub for
the benefit of a dom.
- Session
: A scene. [see Scene]
- Sexual imprinting, reimprinting : There is
a school of thought stating that sexual responses result from
imprinting based on past associations, experiences, background, and
environment, often dating back to early childhood. Altering sexual
behavior by changing responses and creating new associations is a
technique called reimprinting.
- Sexual magic, sensual magic : Positive descriptive
terms for sadomasochism.
- Silent
alarm : A safety precaution used by players who are new to one
another. For example: a submissive, playing with a dominant for the
first time, might arrange for a friend to be near a telephone at a
pre-arranged time. If the submissive does not call at that time, the
friend will be alerted that something has gone wrong and will take steps
to see that the submissive is safe.
- Sissification, feminization : A practice desired by a
male sub of "forced" cross-dressing and/or gender reassignment.
- Slapper
: A flexible semi-rigid strap used like a paddle.
- Slave :
1) In the scene community sometimes used loosely as another word for
submissive. 2) A submissive involved in a committed relationship
incorporating a shared slave/master fantasy.
- Slave
contract : A written agreement elaborating the terms, goals, and
limits of an SM relationship.
- Slave
training : The processes of: instructing a submissive in a
dominantâeTMs preferences, and, conditioning the submissiveâeTMs behavior.
- Sling :
A cross between a swing and a hammock in which a bottom may be
comfortably suspended,
- SM
positive : A sympathetic or accepting attitude toward sadomasochism
and/or SM play and players. [see Scene friendly]
- SM
virgin : A person with little or no experience in SM practices.
- Smart Ass Masochist, SAM : A bottom, who rather than
submitting, challenges or annoys to entice a dom to punish her. [see
Brat]
- Spandex·
: A very stretchable synthetic cloth used for fetish clothing and
bondage gear.
- Spanking
: Striking a submissive, usually with an open hand, on her fanny. Some
use this term to include paddling, as well.
- Spanking
bench : A piece of stationary equipment with attachment points to
designed to secure a submissive in preparation for a spanking. Properly
bound or positioned on a spanking bench, the submissiveâeTMs arse is in an
accessible, convenient angle for a spanking or whipping.
- Spanking
skirt : A skirt or dress with cut-outs over each fanny cheek,
designed to allow bare-skinned spanking. The spanking skirt is a classic
piece of scene-wear that enhances humiliation/exhibitionism aside from
its practical application.
- Spreader
bar : A strong bar, usually wooden, bamboo, or metal, with rings or
holes on each end, used as a bondage tool to keep a submissiveâeTMs arms
or legs apart.
- St. AndrewâeTMs cross : An upright cross in the shape of the
letter "X" to which people are bound for flogging or torture.
- Sting :
A sharp biting feel to the surface of the skin.
- Stocks
: A device (usually wooden) with holes designed to imprison a
submissiveâeTMs wrists and head, or wrists and ankles. [see Pillory]
- Stoplight safe words : A commonly used system of safe words
wherein red means stop the scene immediately and release the sub, yellow
warns the dominant that the current practice is pushing the
submissiveâeTMs endurance, and green lets the dominant know that what is
happening is awfully nice and should be continued.
- Straight
: 1) Code word for heterosexual. 2) Adjective for someone or something
that is not SM oriented. In this sense, a synonym for vanilla.
- Strap :
1) As a noun, this is either a bondage restraint (usually leather with a
buckle) or an instrument of corporal punishment (also, usually leather
sans the buckle). 2) As a verb, it is the act of binding or beating a
submissive with a strap.
- Sub-space
: [see: Bottom-space]
- Submissive uniform : A common mode of dress worn by
submissives emphasizing their sexuality, usually very short skirts,
revealing tops, high heels, and stockings supported by a garter belt or
bustier.
- Submissive,
Sub : One who surrenders control of her body and behavior (within
pre-defined limitations) to another for erotic play.
- Suspension
: A bondage technique wherein the submissiveâeTMs weight, totally or
partially, is borne by the restraints used in the bondage. Great care
must be exercised in this practice; usually, bondage harnesses and
suspension cuffs are used in suspension.
- Suspension
cuffs : Wrist and/or ankle restraints designed specifically for
safe suspension. [see Cuff, Cuffing; Suspension]
- Switch
: 1) A person who enjoys taking either side in SM role or physical
play; i.e. top or bottom, dom or sub. 2) A slender flexible branch from a
tre
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